Thoughts at midnight…

I don’t really know how to use this thing. lol. But, I’ll somehow find my way. Eventually, I’ll be able to.

Went out this morning to the doctor to check my condition, turned out i have to still consume my current medication for the next few months. Oh how exciting. I hate how my life’s dependent on that pill. I hate being dependent on something. I dislike the idea of having a kind of dependence to certain things, that if-its-not-there-you’re-gonna-die kind. How pathetic. It made me hate my life even more. Adding more misery into what’s already pathetic enough, my life.

I wish suicide is not a sin. And once you die, You’re guaranteed an access to heaven to meet God. But, it doesn’t work that way. Sadly, it isn’t. It’s not that simple. It’s more complicated than that. I heard if you kill yourself, you’re gonna be a spirit (oh wow surprise surprise). lol like you people already know. ha ha ha. And, okay let me continue, you’re gonna be a spirit and you’re gonna stay on that place where you kill yourself until the judgement day. That’s what i assumed. lol. I’m warning you guys, i’m full of assumptions.

Anyway, i heard a lot of bad things about suicide so i guess it is a bad thing. Don’t further question it, little voice in my head. But, the downside of having to stay alive is to deal with people you may not want to deal with (the people you hate/loathe the most). Oh, God. At the very least, if i’m not meant to die any time soon, please just please. Give me the strength to deal with these people in my life. Pleaseeeeeeeeeeee. See my desperation there. Yes, please grant my wish, oh Father.

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